I have written an outline and excerpt for a paranormal romance book. can you fix the grammar and punctuation. also make it funnier, scarier and sexier?
Sure! I’d be happy to help you out. Please share the outline and excerpt, and I’ll take a look at it.
It’s a murder mystery in the vein of true blood with a British sensibility. Our lead is on the run for a murder she has yet to commit involving faeries, demons, a Miniature dragon in a handbag and her anti-social nature. How does a 32-year-old go from successful MMA career to antiques and curio dealer. Does she understand that her demon/ farie heritage is the one thing stopping the worst of them all from coming back; Angels? How does a corpse turnout to be her unborn son and reborn Jesus? · Break downs. · Our hero enters her Antique shop’ Shantiquities’; there’s the body in the middle of the store, dead with a sword in its gulet, with a big jewel in the hilt. Her Dragon Bag(DB) has been knocked out. None of the wards have been broken. She tries to survey the scene (establish her magical skills) , but then guns start blasting, and the police are here. Call the dog, grab backpackck and get out of the place onto the dirt bike while people start popping her booby traps and breaking in. Explosions and ass kickery ensue. · Constance seeks Refuge, with her old employer Benny the imp. Benny ran the clubs where she made her money in MMA. She’s been embargoed from either of the realms (Arcadia or Infernal).Benny squabbles with DB who he had sex with before. Also, benny is a letch. Discover the items (Sword, Amulet) that e giving off massive energy signals to one another other. The Sword emanates Soul Energy, the Amulet Spirit and the Body something, like an absence. So they can be tracked on a map benny gives her. The first stop will be the sword. · Sword is with her father in the court’s embassy, a casino. They move like parliaments the unseelie to seelie from good to bad, fickle in a sense. We learn more about her dad and how he tried to set her up with antiques and paid for her education. But emotionally and intellectually largely absent. She gains entrance via physical strength. The guards, like most feel, are easily distracted and don’t focus on the physical. Even after seeing the sword, she realises something is of, like it can’t be made. While not high-tech, the blade has been fashioned in a way that requires bleeding edge technology like monofilament level. On the way back she gets attacked on her dirt bike (which is mildly enchanted) by a hoard of locust creatures, kind of Nanotech. She sets the bike on fire and burns the cloud of locusts away with the last of her explosives. · She goes to see their amulet at her mothers. A rage demon who holds her coven in an abattoir. She gets her strength from her and inherited the temper to. Her mother got the imp to fix her up and suggest MMA so she could learn to defend herself. She also teases her about crippling another contestant. She uses her faerie stealth, charm and guile powers to get in to hell.. . A garage she kept on when her foster dad died has been converted into an emergency lab by her for scrying and researching items. using the lab, she can deduce certain things herself, such as the amulet being from mana, the dawn of creation powering the sword, which may be from the end of the entropic force itself. It’s like the amulet is from the beginning of time and the sword from the end. She goes to try and gets some rest, and a Muscle Monster of superhuman size and strength comes for her. She kills it by jousting it with the sword and throwing it off a pier. As she leaves with the amulet she tries to find another bolt hole. · Then she turns to get to the police mortuary for; · The corpse. Now this should be the easiest. It’s not. It’s in a normal place, a regular police mortuary. It’s covered with tech she can’t scam and bars she can’t break without breaking the embargo in a blatant fashion. Using friends and the dog she gets in. the corpse then…. They realise that it’s human. Totally human. But it’s a perfect human. The chemicals inside all at their peak. This is a being which would inhabit all the trait of both angels and demons to maximum potential. It would be a type of being immune to the temptations of demons or the glamour of the farie. A platonic ideal of humanity. And her son. · Her son starts to heal! He has a healing factor although unconscious it’s from the future! This goes all into a weird place when angels start to attack her with flails of righteousness and other items like the sword she had. · What the angels did not count on is the corpse surviving in a sense. Being out of time he is healing slowly. Every other species outside of angels is strapped to linear time. Even the immortal have a limited memory in a sense, as they cannot travel outside of reality. But can be returned to his place in the future. Once the body is in a hospital to recover. Angel’s motivation is to destroy any being that could match and surpass them in their presence in god’s love; the twist being god is absent. So, the body is the only way they know to kill a being of that generation is to send them back in time with the elements impaled on them, like a vampire with a stake. But once the sword was removed and a mother’s tears were shed, he reawakens. · She must protect her son. And while more information needs to be found before the angels attack. It revealed the absence of god and how humanity may ovovertakehem all. She finally wounds one angel. And then her son is all cryptic healthy and heads to the future. With the wing of a wounded angel CC acquits herself and the fee and demons realise they need to work together; the angels are ultimate bad guys. Creatures of cold order looking to regain their strength, true forms Lovecraftian in shape, this is the sort of war that the fee and the demons will be fighting at the final act angels, the celestial realm is making a comeback, the only beings who exist outside of time they sent Jesus back from the future and tried to frame his mother. Our lead, for killing him. The thing is, without god’s presence the angels have become coenobite-style creatures of order. As faeries take aspects of a human’s spirit and the infernal have been taking the soul, the remnants that have been making it to heaven lacks imagination or passion, just a need for order. Like the order of the gash splinter groups go to extremes to remember flickers of emotion. An angel. Post credit. Michael. Law bringer. Comes to earth. And starts a longer-term plan. EXCERPT. Body. Sword. Amulet. Fav Chair. It’s amazing how sentences contract when face with shock and priorities change to fit the view. I turned back to see if anyone had followed me up the stairs on my split level. A quick glance over the railing showed nothing had changed in my shop downstairs. “EGBERT!” I heard Her Mewel “EGBERT GET YOUR LEATHER ASS UP HERE.” I looked back to the scene of a crime. Rather my scene, not my crime. When I moved in here I was told by my mother not to live where I work, but given her work is eating souls and brutalising butchers I thought it wouldn’t apply. I had the store downstairs already to open tomorrow with the curios and antiques, and via the Spiral staircase, I considered this my abode, my lair, my fortress of solitude. When Egbert was not trying to eat my house and home that is. I looked around my floor, leaving the corpse till last, he wasn’t going anywhere. Except for the bathroom I could see everything , I liked it that way so I could run. The Double bed in the corner still gave off the musty smell of laundry. My Telly and remote corner were untouched. I could hear Egbert fluttering up behind over the kitchen sink me as I checked the bathroom box. “what’s with the yapping I do the yap…what ..urm.” I turned as she landed on the floor; she started wrapping his little wings around his tiny dog body like he does when she pretends she’s a handbag, and sleeping. And I suspect playing with herself. “Ur. Yes, fucking urm. That is a corpse. Why do you guard here” “Well, your father made me a boon and as a lady of honour I” “let people break in get stabbed and lay in my fucking chair by my fucking workbench downstairs” “No need to be like that about it, it’s warmer downstairs and you scream when I’m in the chair” “Every fuck. I swear I’ll have you changed back to a dragon just so I can fucking change you to a guppy and keep you in a fish tank”” While we bickered, I flicked on the tv and changed to the security channels. From here I could see the outside the downstairs and anything that happened. “it doesn’t make any sense. None of the wards are broken, everything downstairs is protected. The skylights not been broken and the windows are still locked.” “teleportation” “no even with that the place would stink of brimstone and fae don’t have the focus” “So the only person who could get in, would be a person?” “Pretty much. But that person, persons. With a dead body, and then to stick the sword in him. Let’s have a look at the body.” “Wait”. Movement outside, I could hear them, heavy foots and locking guns. The cameras showed five humans visored and armed with Uzis and Kevlar outside. One had tried to go around to the fire escape and pull it open. While the others headed to the front. No sirens but lights. this was going to get messy fast. I checked the desk and started to download the last few hours to my phone from the cameras. While it slugged with the bar I grabbed my kit bag. The bag any renter has that has the shit to move at any given moment. The corpse would have to wait. “Egbert, check downstairs.” Without a whimper she flew and I could hear her prepare as they started at the door. I only had minutes. Scanner. Lockpick. Pistol. Dagger. Chalk. Blu tack. And stationary set. Amongst other things. I grabbed the bike keys and toyed with my fidget spinner for a mo. Then the door broke. I twisted the spinner to the blades came out and threw it at the lighting rig over the store. It came down with a bang and swung straight into the first hench in the gut. The others were knocked back but at this point the doors were wide open. Just waiting for that bar to keep going while looking for a plug to keep the phone charging at thsame time. A first world problem at the best of times now kicked into the fith as the three visors remaining started to go through the store. While the wards and barriers would not work on human beings, the Cannister of tear gas I kept by the bed would. Leaping over and wrenching it from under the bed I turned the valve and through it over the railing into the store below. I could hear a din of retching as I looked at my only way out, my skylight was nice. The glass shattered as the bed splintered into it. I crouched estimating a good 30 feet leap would take a lot out of me. Plus, the weight of my kit bag. Egbert flapped at the stares blowing warning fumes down the stairs at the one guard who took his job way to seriously and had started to spray bullets out at random. I crouched and tried to ignore the din, as I leaped and hit the ten foot mark though the bullets struck. One in the bag. One nicked my shades and another in the….flank. It was the tipping point that through me halfway off my mark, I almost fell back through but my claw gloves helped me get grip and I pulled my dangling leg over as Egbert shouted “misogynist” and blew one more fire cloud back into the store at the hunches face. Grabbing the bag by the handle I become the incredible limp runner and through it over the side . clambering down the fire escape every ready to be a laurel and hardy moment I had lucked out and the bag had landed on the bike. I landed on the bag and kicked it into gear. Egbert clasped the bikes tail end as we sped towards…well anywhere “well this is not so much a pickle as a jar of fuck to be in, you lost the shop, the flat, that corpse will see you banned from all in the triune and your bleeding out your ass . so running on a dirt bike with little to go on and a kit bag will save it? “yes” “Who the bloody hell do you think you are” “…. I’m Batman”
This is what the chatbot summarised within a second
It sounds like a very complex and intricate plot, full of supernatural beings and magical artifacts. The main character, Constance, is a skilled fighter who has left her MMA career to become an antiques and curio dealer. She is also part demon and part faerie, and her heritage is crucial to preventing angels from returning.
The story starts with Constance discovering a dead body in her antique shop and being forced to flee as the police arrive. She seeks refuge with her old employer, Benny the imp, and discovers two powerful artifacts, a sword and an amulet, that emit massive energy signals. Using Benny’s help, she tracks down the sword, which is in the possession of her father at the court’s embassy, a casino. She fights off a swarm of locust creatures on her way back, but manages to retrieve the sword.
Constance then heads to her mother’s abattoir, where she finds the amulet. She also discovers a secret lab that her foster dad had left behind, which she uses to deduce the properties of the sword and amulet. She is attacked by a muscle monster, but manages to kill it with the sword and escape with the amulet.
The next step is to retrieve the corpse, which turns out to be her unborn son, who has healing powers from the future. The angels, who want to destroy any being that could match and surpass them, attack Constance with flails of righteousness, but she manages to awaken her son and protect him from the angels.
Overall, the plot seems to be a mix of action, mystery, and supernatural elements, with the protagonist facing off against various magical beings and using her own unique powers to survive.
The Irish Indian Times. 
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